JESSICA ALBA TRULY IS A WORDSMITH

Wow. First she hopes her baby ‘will be brown’ and now this…

Jessica Alba will be contributing to an upcoming book entitled If I’d Known Then , which is a book of essays from female celebrities. One of those bullshit inspiration books. Anyway, being the role model she is - here is an excerpt of Jess’ essay…

“They think I’m a slut? Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they’re about 20 or 21. It’s fun to have a crush, but don’t think it’s forever…and use birth control and condoms, please.”

Man, if only this book came up when I was a teenage. I would have learnt so much off her!

WOW, JESSICA ALBA CAN LIKE, TOTALLY ACT SCARED!

*Sigh*

No-one shits me quite like Jessica Alba and this photo shoot just makes me want to put pins in my eyes.

These shots of Jessica Alba re-creating scenes from classic horror movies are from this month’s Latina Magazine where she was quotes saying she “hopes her baby is brown”.

These are really convincing don’t you think? You can just see three of her assistants just out of camera shot ready to make sure she still looks hot in every picture.

Cringe. NEXT.

JESSICA ALBA LIKE, TOTALLY WANTS A BROWN BABY!

No-one shits me like Jessica Alba, I’ve made that quite clear in the past. 

She’s made it on to America’s Marie Claire Magazine this month but recently spoke to Latina Magazine where she had this intelligent thing to say…

“I’m excited for my baby to be brown. I just have to believe the dark gene is going to survive. Cash and I are like, please!”

JESSICA ALBA IS A BUSINESS WOMAN PEOPLE…TAKE HER SERIOUSLY!

Jessica ‘stop-looking-at-me-I’m-a-human-being-just-like-you-but-I’m-still-a-bitch’ Alba is on the cover of this month’s Elle Magazine and gives, what I think, a very interesting quote: 

On using her sex appeal in her career: “I think there are ambitious girls who will do anything to be famous, and they think men in this business are used to women doing that. Contrary to how people may feel, I’ve never used my sexuality. That’s not part of it for me. When I’m in a meeting, I want to tell you why I’m an asset, how I’m a commodity, how I can put asses in the seats, not, ‘There’s a chance you’re going to be able to fuck me.’ That’s never been my deal.” 

Is that right? Hmm. Well good for you Jess. I leave you know with my favourite Jessica Alba shots.

                    

                          

JESSICA ALBA ENGAGED

Boring. Jessica Alba and Cash Warren seem to be engaged after she was spotted wearing a diamond engagement ring. 

Who gives a shit? I love that Jessica is hating the paparazzi even more now than before and isn’t showing her face in any of the photos unless she has that sourpuss look on her face, yet she was the one who came forward and announced the pregnancy. 

I’ve got news for you Jess, no even suspected you were pregnant you attention whore. Get over yourself.

ALBA’S UP THE DUFF

 

Well I didn’t see this one coming. He we all were too bust starring at lumps and bumps on all the high profile celebrities and we forgot to pay attention to this annoying twat.  It’s been confirmed that Jessica Alba is expecting a child with boyfriend Cash Warren. Do you think she’s pissed she just had to come out announce it before she got the chance to deny the pregnancy rumours? Damn straight she is. Jessica’s rep has released this statement:“I can confirm that Jessica and Cash are expecting a baby in late spring, early summer.” I’m taking bets now on what kind of name someone like ‘Cash’ is going to pick.