COVER YOUR EYES PEOPLE – LINDSAY COULD BE POSING FOR PLAYBOY

After Lindsay’s raunchy New York Magazine shoot where she got her knockers out, she has apparently been offered a spot in Playboy. Rumour has it that Hugh Hefner wants Lindsay to nude it up and re-create Marilyn’s nude swim from Something’s Got To Give. Here I was thinking we’d done enough of damaging Marilyn’s fine reputation but I guess I was wrong.

So what, now we have to re-create everything Marilyn did with Lindsay? Why don’t get her to re-create someone on her own level, like Britney Spears before she shaved her head? Ooh actually, Britney Spears after she shaved her head. A bald Lindsay would be fabulous!

Meanwhile, here she is posing in Paper Magazine.

JESSICA ALBA TRULY IS A WORDSMITH

Wow. First she hopes her baby ‘will be brown’ and now this…

Jessica Alba will be contributing to an upcoming book entitled If I’d Known Then , which is a book of essays from female celebrities. One of those bullshit inspiration books. Anyway, being the role model she is – here is an excerpt of Jess’ essay…

“They think I’m a slut? Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they’re about 20 or 21. It’s fun to have a crush, but don’t think it’s forever…and use birth control and condoms, please.”

Man, if only this book came up when I was a teenage. I would have learnt so much off her!

JESSICA SIMPSON SET TO ‘ENTERTAIN’ THE TROOPS

Jessica Simpson has confirmed she will be entertaining the troops in Kuwait on March 10 and it will be broadcast live on Operation MySpace. Jess said…

“It’s truly an honour to perform for the troops. Through Operation MySpace, I get to serve my country by doing what I love to do in front of thousands of brave men in uniform. It’s every girl’s dream!”

Oh how that statement makes me laugh like a ticklish school girl! I’ve got news for you Jess – you’re not serving your country, this isn’t like that bomb move of yours, ‘Major Movie Star’, you’ll be singing 3 songs with your Louis Vuitton luggage tucked safely away.

And while I’m certainly no expert on the subject…I’m still pretty sure there’s woman in armed forces now, isn’t there? It’s 2008 right?

Good luck to the troops – they have it hard enough and now they have to listne to this?

NATALIE PORTMAN DOES LETTERMAN

The stars of ‘The Other Boleyn Girl’ are doing the press rounds at the moment and seeing as though everyone’s in love with Natalie Portman- despite the fact that Scarlett Johansson has a better rack, I thought I post this video of Nat on Letterman last night. Enjoy!

NERD ALERT

I don’t get it. Is it because she just got charged with posession of pot and so now she’s trying to look all respectable and together? Well it’s not gonna happen with those glasses four eyes! They’re hideous!

Marissa Cooper is spinning in her grave right now.

NICOLE’S PUBLICIST LASHES OUT

Ooh I love a bitchy publicist. I’m picturing Shauna from Entourage and loving every second of it!

Post Oscars shenanigans, a US columnist, Cindy Adams told the world of how Nicole Kidman was boozing it up at the after party on white wine, despite the fact that she was 4 months pregnant.

Now, first thing’s first. I didn’t post about this because it was outrageous! If she had have been drinking, she would have had one glass of wine and you know what? Contrary to popular belief, pregnant women are allowed an occasional boozy drink and fuck me, if that drink can’t be had at the Oscars after party, where can it be had?

Anyhoo, Nicole’s publicist, Catherine Olim went to town on this Cindy chick and on Perez Hilton who posted the link to Cindy’s column on his site. Cindy had this to say to Perez…

“I try to ignore your column unlike most of the rest of the world because it is so nasty. But I have to tell you that Nicole Kidman most certainly not drink white wine or any other alcoholic beverage backstage.

I know because I was there with her. I cannot remember the last time Cindy Adams got anything right. She’s an idiot and you can quote me.”

Ooo Catherine you nasty bitch, I love you!

Source

MEET BABY HARLOW

Here’s the first picture of Nicole and Joel’s bub, Harlow. The kid actually scrubs up pretty nice, don’t you think? Here’s what Nicole had to say to People…

On breastfeeding: “There’s just so much I can’t eat because she’s sensitive. I eat really bland food, chicken noodle soup, vegetables, fish. I had to cut out milke, no tomatoes, no lettuce. You think you have to cut everything out when you’re pregnant, but you really have to cut everything out when you’re breastfeeding.”

On being in labour: “I don’t know what time I actually went into labour but I pushed for 10 minutes.” Joel chims in here and says ” She came out and she was crying and the doctor goes ‘Well, it looks like you got a little girl.’”

On the six weeks since the birth: “It’s almost like I don’t even remember what life was like before her. She gives life a whole new meaning and a whole new purpose.”

I’m going to take a wild guess and say she can’t remember life before the baby because she spent most of that time fucked up or passed out from not eating. Isn’t that blindingly obvious?

CHRISTINA RICCI AND HER DOG

You know how they say that pets look like their owners? Well, here’s a few pics of Christina Ricci and her dog, Ramon at LAX this week.

Ohh, come on, I’m only kidding! I certainly can’t go around making wild accusations that she looks like her dog because I’m obsessed with Pugs and many people will tell you their the ugliest dogs around and I am ridiculously good looking so it’s all a myth.

I stand by Christina and her French Bulldog and the fact that she doesn’t have an annoying Chihuahua that’s the size of a small squirrel under her arm.

REMEMBER BLOSSOM?

Ooh. The years have not been kind to Blossom, have they? She rocked up to the 60th Anniversary of Israel’s Independance on Tuesday.

This image is so disturbing. I really could vomit.

Image via TMZ.

GEMMA WARD AT THE BLACK BALLOON PREMIERE

Here’s Gemma Ward at the premiere of ‘Black Balloon’ which took place last night at the Dendy ay Circular Quay. She’s so friggin’ beautiful it’s unbelievable.

I still remember watching her get booted from Australia’s ‘Search for a Supermodel’ and now look at her! The best thing about it was her friends making her go to the auditions and she was so shocked she even got through to the first round.

Look at her now – who won ‘Search For A Supermodel’ again? Exactly.